“Go back to where everything starts for you. Write from there.” One of my friends gave me this, so I am going to start to write from here exactly. Mind you, having you to come up with posts for a blog is a lot of pressure. Coming up with things to write is not an easy task. At least I can’t come up with interesting things or even simple words to write, everyday. That has been one of my major fears when starting a blog. I just don’t feel creative every day. So when one of my friends suggested this, it was a breath of relief.
So this is how it all began.
I can’t precisely pinpoint the time when I started writing. I guess these things just happen. A broken heart, a loss of a dear friend or a parent, a rebellion, a revolt, a farewell – is enough to get us to write, to bare our deepest emotions to the world. It’s an attempt to give the residual feelings a definitive form, a way to reach out, a way to remember all that is past, a way to make a wish, a demand or even vent anger, remorse or frustration.
As far as memory serves, the first time I seriously wrote, was for another friend who was going through a bad break up. I was sitting in my English class, form 11. Our teacher was reading Julius Caesar to us and I was scribbling away on a piece of paper, obviously too distracted to listen, when words became a sentence and sentences became a stanza. It was a feeling so intense, because somehow that incident had made a mark on me too. My teacher saw me write something, came over, and leaned in to see what I was doing and when he figured I was writing a poem, he walked away with a smile saying ‘Let me read it when it is done.’ That was one hell of a supportive English teacher. He has helped edit a lot of articles and poems ever since. So that is how I got my first poem done! It required a lot of edits after that, but still that was the first time I actually started writing.
After that, throughout my high school I was a steady writer. I wrote a lot of poems, primarily. But I have always felt that I need a certain intensity in my feelings, in my reactions, to put them into words. That time, those 2 years of high school, were something of a turmoil period for me. A lot of changes, a state of constant confusion, rebellion, a reason to break free, peer pressure, relationships going wrong –almost everything that can go wrong for a teenager! I am not very proud of that stage, but it happened, and majority of what I have written till date is from that time.
After that I came to Pune and life has just gone by. I have no idea where the 2 years in Pune have disappeared. I guess they were happening when we were going for long bike rides, were having coffee at 2 in the morning sitting on the footpath outside CCD, when we were busy fighting over drinking habits, when we were too egotistical to talk to each other, when we fell in love, when we fell out of love. When we realized how life and love works, when we got wet in the rain, when we stayed up all night because we hadn’t done it in a while and because we weren’t going to see each other after that, the first beer, the first high and the first smoke – that is when life happened. But come to think of it, it’s only when the end draws near that you are forced to think of how much time has passed since the beginning and of the long way that you have come.
I seem to be deviating, so getting back to 2 years in Pune, I haven’t written much during this time, because I was busy living it 🙂 . And after a while you learn to accept feelings and emotions (I have no idea what is the difference between the two) for what they are. And outlets to vent anger, disgust, frustration or helplessness change to other more mature forms (pseudo-mature, more like it).
So I will leave you with that first poem of mine. Be easy on it. It was just the first (but maybe one of my best) !
P.S. This aforementioned friend is one of the oldest friends that I have treasured for so many years. She has been a friend since as far as I can remember. We still refer to each other as ‘my best friend since KG 1’, that is how far it goes. Shaleen Wadhwana – it’s been, what, 16 years, of having known each other and I can say without a doubt, the friendship is still as strong.
So Shaleen, this one is for you. Because you know I love you! (and also because this was your idea!) 😛
How can someone just snap out of a relationship?
Without ever stopping to realize,
The pain that she will have to endure.
He was not a bad guy, but then,
You can’t really judge people, can you?
Everything we thought he was,
Was proven wrong suddenly and falsified.
The agony our friend experienced,
Because of one hard-hearted guy, was unimaginable.
How easy it was for him to say ‘It’s over’ and move on,
Whereas, she stood still,
Too dumbstruck to even realize that everything she had ever lived for,
The world seemed bleak to her,
There was no sunshine,
No rainbows, no flowers,
Crying day and night she had lost count of the moments passed,
Her eyes puffy,
Made her stand out among the still cheerful faces around.
For whom the world had not changed,
Still filled with the hope of a bright new day,
But, for her,
The world had stopped and she was left in a vacuum of memorable moments,
Nagging at her each passing second.
We tried our best to get out of that vacuum,
But so far we have failed miserably.
As hard as we try,
We still can’t measure up with the pain she’s going through.
My belief in love was shaken so badly,
That I guess it will take years before I believe in it again.
I wished he was always yours,
I wished you both a happy life,
I wished… but our wishes seldom come true.
Your pain can’t be put into words but I’ve tried.
In the end all I want to say is, ‘We love you and will always do, no matter what’
And that ‘We’re sorry this happened and we promise to stand by you no matter what’.
Love you always,
Your friends, forever.